The Warm-up

Detox. What a fabulous word. It brings on so much hope for the future. You just know that if you can get through that rough period, all the elements of a perfect life will fall into place. Your energy will increase; your boss will give you the much deserved raise, and let’s not forget… You look HOT! Soon you’ll be making out with Brad Pitt’s little brother watching the sunrise of the coast Ibiza. Yes just you Baby Brad, your new best friend Beyonce. Who can resist that!

And so begins my journey. With a little firefly in my glass, I’ve chosen a few popular crash diets to rid my body and my life of some unwanted toxins.

1- Liquid Protein (5 days) - Oprah inspired
2- Master Cleanse (10 days) – Everyone else inspired
3- Dating Detox (30 days) – We’ll get to that
4- South Beach Diet (2 weeks) – Sure I like Egg whites
5- Wall Street Diet (2 weeks) – It includes Booze!
6- Skinny Bitch/Vegan Diet (2 weeks) – I might die

My Stats:

Name: Samantha K.
Age: 29
Occupation: Corporate Drone – I chase paper with a strong sense of urgency.
Weight: 20 pound more than my true hot state
Martial Status: Recently single…. Yippee.
Drinker: Yes. Including Now
Smoker: Only when wasted
Food Preference: Thai, Sushi, Indian, Steak, Italian, Soul food, Bacon … Yes, I’m a girl who eats.
True Loves: Brunch on Sundays, anything to do with the beach, a really good bottle of wine, stamps in my passport, rainy afternoons, and strategic sick days.

I want to empathize; I am tempted every hour of every day. These diets will not be easy for me in any sense of the word. If I’m not being tempted by some delicious Foodie indulgence, it’s keeping myself from texting the Ex at 2am. Tomorrow start a new day. First diet: Liquid Protein Diet.